Key resource for the following without referencing each item individually: "Divine Conspiracy", Dallas Willard, (Chapter 5). Key Bible reference: “Sermon on the Mount” (Matthew 5-7). Further useful resource: "Spirit of the Disciplines", Dallas Willard
Matthew 5:
21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone (embracing your anger towards someone), you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot (degrade someone), you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone (desire to harm someone), you are in danger of the fires of hell.
Positive illustration of Kingdom Heart (verses 23-26):
- seeking reconciliation with someone who is mad at me
- seeking reconciliation with an adversary
Levels of Anger
- Anger: a feeling that seizes you, trying to stop someone from hurting you
- Contempt: the studied degradation of another (e.g. name calling) – pushes person away
- Malice: desire to harm, get even – plans revenge, often in subtle ways
Spontaneous response, vital function
- Feeling that seizes us in our body
- Impels us toward interfering with (possible harming) those who have thwarted our will and interfered with our life
- Some degree of malice is contained in every degree of anger (anger feeds on anger)
- We can and usually do choose or will to be angry
- We can become an angry person (carrying around a supply of anger)
How Anger Works
- Self-righteousness
- Vanity (egoism, pride)
- Wounded ego (Importance of self and real or imaginary wound done to it blown out of proportion)
- Addicted to the adrenalin rush when my anger is pumping
- Anger is an injury to others: when I discover your anger at me, I am already wounded
- Anger embraced is disintegrative of human personality and life. It does not need to be “acted out” to poison the world
The "Good Life" beyond Anger and Contempt
- Jesus’ teaching aims to enable us to be good and not just talk about it (Matt 5:48)
- The key to overcoming contempt and to developing a new behavior is to reflect on the preciousness of any person in God's eyes
- We can learn how to become the kind of person that does not cultivate anger!
- Living without contempt is possible:
- Colossians 3:1-11: put on the new man … in which there is no … Scythian (= bottom of the human barrel)
- Venture on the Kingdom. That’s how we “seek” it
Examples for Anger
- Dirty language
- Yelling
- Grumbling
- Sarcasm
- Cynicism
- Moodiness
- Withdrawing
- Feeling like a victim
- Saying “Poor me”
- Depression
- Saying “Yes, but…” when someone wants to help
Questions for Self-Observation and Journaling
Build a lexicon for your internal states. If you have a word for your emotional state, then you can begin to deal with it. Feelings are fluid; you need to stop and capture them in a word, or else you lose them and don't know you have them. A label improves your ability to understand your feelings:
- In what ways do I indulge or nurture anger?
- How does this result in our carrying a supply of anger around with me, which is quick to ignite?
- Which forms of anger are most familiar to me: yelling, grumbling, sarcasm, cynicism, moodiness, withdrawing, feeling like a victim, saying “Poor me”, depression, saying “Yes, but…” when someone wants to help, other: …?
- Did I observe that anger in one person breeds anger in another?
- How does each level of anger (anger-contempt-malice, see above) devalue the person I am dealing with?
Why is it a good thing to live beyond Anger and Contempt?
There is nothing that can be done with anger that cannot be done better without it (Dallas Willard)
“Born again” means that the alternative of becoming able to "right the wrong in persistent love" is a real option for me now. This is how God’s Kingdom comes in my life.
Examples:
At Home: If I do learn ...
- … not to yell/grumble… at my children when anger seizes me about some (real or perceived) wrong but
- … to step back and consider how to lead my children to understand,
- … or to read the right books or go to parenting classes
- … or (fill in the blank, be creative here)
- in order to “right the wrong in persistent love” …
- I will fulfill my God given task as a parent and teach my children to come to know their place in God’s universe and to embark on their God ordained journey in His Kingdom…
That is what Jesus would do if he was I ... so that "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done"
At Home: If I don't learn...
- … not to yell/grumble/… at my children when anger seizes me about some (real or perceived) wrong
- … my children will not come to know through their parent the God of Love who is in charge in this universe
- … however they will naturally assume that God has similar traits as their parent
- … and therefore will make wrong decisions and encounter hardship because of it
- … until God in his persistent love finds other people and other ways
- …to teach my children to come to know their place in God’s universe and to embark on their God ordained journey in His Kingdom
Then God’s Kingdom did not come …
At Work: If I do learn...
- … to remain content when anger seizes me about some (real or perceived) wrong but, for example when my boss bosses me around
- … but to step back and consider how to appreciate my boss as my God ordained associate
- … and to learn how to pray for my real or perceived adversary
- … or to read the right books or go to the right classes that help me be a disciple of Jesus in this situation
- … or (fill in the blank, be creative here)
- in order to “right the wrong in persistent love” …
- I will fulfill my God given task as an employee and teach my boss to come to know my place in God’s universe and become able to teach him to embark on his God ordained journey in God’s Kingdom…
That is what Jesus would do if he was I ... so that "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done"
At Work: If I don't learn...
- … to remain content when anger seizes me about some (real or perceived) wrong but, for example when my boss bosses me around
- … but to grumble and talk bad about my boss
- … or let out my frustration at my husband/children
- … or (fill in the blank with your wrong ways of coping)
- I will not fulfill my God given task as an employee and will not teach my boss how to become able to embark on his God ordained journey in God’s Kingdom…
Then God’s Kingdom did not come …
Steps to Act without Anger
- Know when you are angry, learn to name your internal state, acknowledge it, go beyond taboos.
- Train yourself away from anger (Spiritual Disciplines)
–Don’t retain anger (giving the devil a chance)
–Remove the automatic responses against the Kingdom of God … the sin that is in my members (Rom 7:18)
If we are to be transformed, the body must be transformed and that is not accomplished by talking at it
Consider what to do or what to let go of: Your prayer life, books you read, adult education classes, friends you make or should avoid, TV shows, food, sleep, what else? (be creative)
Exercise:
Choose one of your "typical" anger situations: Write down how you would “right the wrong in persistent love”
Scriptures about "Anger / Hot-tempered"
- “Anger is not in itself a sinful.” -Psalm 7:11 (God is angry with the wicked.) -1-Kings 11:19. (God was angry with Solomon.) -2-Kings 17:18 (God was angry with Israel.) -Mark 3:5 (Jesus was angry with the Pharisees.)
- Be slow to become angry.-Proverbs 14:16-17. “A wise man fears the Lord and shuns evil, but a fool is hot-headed and reckless.” “A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.”-James 1:19-20. “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about righteous life that god desires.”
- “Love covers a multitude of sins and overlooks many offenses.” -Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up dissention, but love covers over all wrongs.”-Proverbs 12:16 “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”-1 Peter 4:8. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”-1 Corinthians 13:4-5 –“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not easily angered.”
- Cain’s anger turned into murder -Gen. 4:4. “But Abel brought fat portions from some of the first-born of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering.”-Gen. 4:8 “Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.”
- Control yourself -Proverbs 25:28 “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.”
- Fits of rage belong to your sinful nature, the way of sin -Gal. 5:19-21 “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; (20) idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, fractions (21) and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you as I did before that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.”
- Handle anger in a godly way. Do not let the sun go down on your anger -Ephas. 4:26 “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
”Krubis, J. G. Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling. Baker Books 3rd Edition 2000. p. 20-21
No comments:
Post a Comment